Dick Cheney sued by PETA

Houston TX -- Vice President Dick Cheney was sued in a class action this morning brought in a Texas federal court by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals PETA Homepage for infliction of emotional distress on all Texan quails. The three count complaint alleges that Cheney negligently, intentionally or with actual malice forced certain quail to witness the shooting of an insignificant human, including causing the shock of the shotgun blast to fray their nerves.  Said nerve fraying called for a class action, PETA spokeshuman Greta Blagmeyer, because the affected quail then flew off in all directions, no doubt spreading their nervousness and disorientation throughout a significant portion of the Texas quail population.

“Irresponsibly firing off shotguns in the vicinity of any animal, even if aimed directly at a human, should be a crime,” Blagmeyer intoned.  “But it’s not, so we’re going for the class action.”

Asked about the lawsuit, Cheney spokesman Scott Kappmeyer said the vice-president takes seriously all complaints from weenie-misanthropic-fringe-lunatic groups.

“The Vice President has communicated directly with Texas PETA’s offices,” Kappmeyer said, “and has suggested that the group’s lawyers join him for a friendly goose hunt to see if they can’t straighten this all out.  Of course, in deference to their beliefs, we won’t bring any geese.”

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