What it is

So here’s my overall dealie with the whole God thing and atonement and creation and whatnot. This is, obviously, a guess.

About 15-20 billion years ago, God said “Boo,” and the universe exploded. God thought it was pretty damn cool.

“That’s pretty damn cool,” God said.

Then God thought, “I like this material world so much that I want to make it eternal, like the spiritual world.” Immediately he thought, “Uh oh. The dang thing is either going to collapse in on itself and explode again, or else continue to expand until it runs out of energy and then just die out, depending, of course, on the value of the Hubble constant.”

So God said (to himself at this point) “I know, I’ll make a creature out of this stuff and then make that creature eternal, and then pull the whole material world through that creature into the eternal.”

Of course, God didn’t have to do anything about this plan because the eventual arising of humankind was already in the blueprints (damn, he’s smart), but anyway, then Man arose.

Man was an animal. Still is, matter of fact. That’s really the problem, isn’t it? God tried to communicate with Man. At first, this was really hard because of the saber-toothed tigers. But after Man killed all of those, it got a little easier and some people started to listen to God. And what God said, basically, was this: “Stop listening to the animal part of you, and start listening to me.”

Well, long story short, that didn’t really work. For instance, God tried to get people (the Jews (he started small)) to do things like empathize with their livestock (who are sentient after all) and so he made rules for farmers along the lines “don’t cook a calf in its mother’s milk.” That’s a rule aimed at making a simple farmer feel empathy toward what is, really, his “prey.” Nice, civilizing rule that. There’s a whole bunch of them. All aimed at making people think non-animaly. Alright that’s not a word according to my spellchecker, but you get the idea.

Anyway, finally God said (actually my guess is this was in the blueprints), “Alright, they can’t really completely divest themselves of their animal nature. So, I’m going to become one of them. Then, I will be killed and my blood – a really, really animaly and material kind of thing – will “atone” for their animaly, material nature. Make it spiritual. ‘Cause it’s me. Who can beat that?”

So, the death and atonement of Jesus for us is God’s way of pulling us and the entire material creation into eternity. The resurrection, of course, is just gravy. I mean, not “just” gravy. But gravy. God showing off. "Woo-hoo! Kill me will ya? Plllllppp, suckers!"

Umm. I have the feeling that this is not orthodox. I would appreciate any comments, especially from Gary.