"Imagine" -- Yoko Ono calls for world peace

AP -- London

Yoko Ono this morning called for world peace, imploring leaders everywhere to work together in harmony and understanding.

"Aiyyyeeeeeeeee, ack-ack-ack," Ono screeched, squinching her tiny, bat-like face into something resembling a concerned scowl. "Ack."

"Oh yeah. Wow, man. Peace," said Iranian President Mahmoud Amentojihad. Amentojihad immediately ordered all Iranian nuclear reactors shut down, its nuclear centrifuges turned over to the Iranian Ice Cream Manufacturers' Guild, and a dozen long-stemmed roses sent to every Jewish family in Israel.

Upon hearing of Ono's call for peace, Moqtada "Tada!" al Sadr briefly ceased drilling the kneecaps of a local Sunni muslim and said, "Hmm, all this time why didn't I think of that?"

"Gorry," stated North Korean President Kim Ill-Dung, "Rots and rots of times I thought, 'Freece,' or 'Greece,' and here the whore time it was 'Peace.' Carr me sirry!" Ill-Dung then hit his 47th hole-in-one this week, with a 12-inch softball and a tire-iron.

Riots broke out globally in several major cities in predominantly muslim nations, protesters carrying pictures of cartoons of Mohammed and chanting, "All we are saying, is give Peanuts a chance."

By the way, that headline? Real. Look it up. Sheesh.