Ahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!

Huffy Go BOOM!

"I love the smell of burning Muslim in the morning. It smells, it smell like victory."

Here's a photo of the head they found in the field:

Get Your Carbon Offsets!

Click the title of this post and you will be taken to a website where, for only $19.95, you can actually purchase the right to emit carbon because the person you buy it from will promise not to emit carbon IN THE EXACT AMOUNT YOU WANT TO USE! Isn't technology amazing? This came to my attention when I heard that some right wing radio commenter had made fun of Al Gore for flying around in private jets while brow-beating you and me for driving cars. Gore's spokeman apparently responded that Gore buys these "offset" things, so it's okay.

By the way, if you're feeling guilty about, say, committing murder, robbing the local gas station, cheating on your spouse, etc etc., FOR ONLY $19.95 -- sent to me via PayPal -- I will offset your sins by NOT murdering anyone, robbing a gas station or cheating on your spouse! Think of the freedom, ladies and gentleman! And, in the Spirit of Good Capitalist Competition, for just $17.95, I too will refrain from emitting more carbons than normal -- IN THE EXACT AMOUNT THAT YOU EMIT THEM! And, since this is the Internets, there's NO TAX! Hurry!

Day 32

QE Dead, Brits Name Caliph

London -- AP, Sept. 11, 2007 -- Upon the recent death of the long-reigning Queen Elizabeth, the British Parliament today signaled that it is ready completely to forgo naming any successor to the Crown, and instead got right to the point and named a Caliph. Sheik Husan Al Fatwah, 47, was named Caliph of Britian in an elaborate ceremony in Buckingham (now "Buckinglamb") Palace, during which Prime Minister Gordon Brown burned St George's Flag and signed legislation outlawing the singing of "Rule Brittania" as violative of Sharia law.

"Why not get this over with and save ourselves 50 years of worry and grief?" Brown said. Al Fatwah then ordered Brown's head removed and all of his considerable assets confiscated.

Help A Medieval Warlord Dress Up!

You can help Mohammed get dressed! Outfits include a burning airplane, a taxi cab, a burkha -- he'd love that! -- an Abu Graib electrocution outfit, even an Uncle Sam hat! Try it!
Dress a Murdering Pedophile!

Hillary Clinton Calls for Withdrawal

AP -- And so many people thought she was talking about troops.

:-D

Day 26

Islamic Rage at New Snoopy Cartoon

Riyadh -- AP Forty-seven Muslim men were trampled to death today in a mass riot sparked by a new Peanuts cartoon featuring the irrepressible mascot dog, Snoopy. Meanwhile, in London, masked men carrying signs reading "Death to Cartoon Doggies" and "Freedom go to Hell," disrupted traffic and shouted, "Death to the Great Snoopy!"

The trouble began when Snoopy, a cartoon dog, was shown dancing to music and his ears flopped up in a manner reminiscent of the Arabic word "Allah," which kind of looks like breasts with a bunch of squiggles. Anyway, dogs are unclean in Islam, and dancing and music are strictly forbidden. Thus, Muslims were (yawn) outraged at the sight of a dancing dog whose ears momentarily took on a shape somewhat like breasts with some squiggles.

British officials were quick to strike out Peanuts cartoons from all local and national papers, and Charlie Brown was offically hung in effigy, or efigy, or ... well, a picture of him was hung from a rope, which is kind of stupid because he is, after all, only a picture to begin with. But anyway, the Brits caved and cowered in fear.

The Danish government reacted by adding a dancing Snoopy to the national flag and passed a law requiring people applying for citizenship to have a dancing Snoopy tatooed on their right bicep. Similarly in Australia, PM John Howard named tomorrow "Charles Schultz Day," and sent 20,000 new troops to Iraq.

Australian Muslim leader Shiek Habibi Walibi said, "Dancing cartoon dogs that do not wear the burkha are like raw meat in front of the camels of Islam. Who can blame the camels for attacking ... wait. Do camels eat meat?"

Day 22

The Retreat

The retreat was great. We had a new imam at the mosque, a Lebanese man. His answers were pat and unconvincing. Asked about terrorism, he said "People would not do such things if they were not poor and lived in a just society." He saw me looking doubtfully at him, I think, because I was about to ask 1) whether that meant it was okay, and 2) how do you explain multi-millionaire terrorists like Bin Laden then? He immediately cut off the entire discussion. Whatever.

In the morning we went to the Hindu temple, except I couldn't go because I had to take my car home because the back window got busted out overnight. Jerk took my gloves and sunglasses. That's all. Anyway, I took the car to the shop and they fixed it that day. So I left that car there, borrowed another one, and met the group at the Hindu tempple, but they were done.

Next was the Buddhist temple. A beautiful building on the north side of Chicago. The leader was very honest about buddhism, basically saying, if you're looking for God, don't look here. He also encouraged the kids to become good Christians. He's a very nice man. I have always liked the buddhists we visit.

Next was the B'hai Temple in Evanston, ot maybe Winnetka. Anyway, we had an actual Iranian B'hai talk to us. Went through persecution and knew people who were killed for their faith. Nonetheless, I find B'haism supremely boring and derivative. The kids were impressed, though. Every class is different. The last two classes thought B'haism was a scam. These guys liked it.

As usual, when we talked about it later, the kids said the trip was fascinating, but only made them that much more sure about being Christians.

I love this trip for just that reason.

Day 19.

Weekend Retreat

I'm going on a retreat this weekend with the confirmation class from our church. We will visit a mosque, a Hindu temple, a Buddhist temple and the Ba'Hai temple in Evanston. Then on Sunday we go to a Gsopel church on Chicago's south side. Place rocks. This is always a great trip, and the kids really "get" Chrisitianity more after seeing the various alternatives. Funny, me being as negative about the Koran and Sharia law and all, yet I really like the imam at the mosque we got to. Maybe he's just pretending, but he seems pretty open minded, and last time called Christians and Muslims fellow believers. If only that were a universal attitude among Muslims.