Hamas Sponsors BYOB Rib Roast

AP -- Ramallah, Palestine (Occupied) -- In a run-up-to-the-elections bid to win over Palestinian Christian voters, peace-seeking members of Hamas (i.e., Ted, the leprous mute) have offered to sponsor a bring-your-own-beer pig roast in Bethlehem. Pigs in the area expressed alarm.

"It is forbidden by Allah to eat the meat of pigs, and as well to drink beverages of alcohol!" shouted one pig. Oops, never mind. That was an imam.

Local Christians expressed some doubts about Hamas' intentions. "Ted is a leprous mute, clearly they are not serious," said Yehsua al Hassid. "But I love ham and beer, so I may go anyway."

Pressed on his intenions, Ted told this reporter, "MMmmm, nyhaa fnnn, nnnnn nahaaaaaaa."

Isreali sources were unavailable for comment.

Pat Robertson, spokesman for all true Christians, offered, "This will fit in perfectly with the menu at Christeyland."