Presbyterians Replace Trinity Wording

Boston -- AP The Presbyterian Church USA Delegation meeting here Thursday voted to revise its description of the Trinity to use more "inclusive" language. "Father Son and Holy Ghost (or Spirit)" will now be replaced in Presbyterian worship services with any one of the following:

Rock, Redeemer and Friend (to include those offended by patriarchal language)

Mother, Child and Womb (to include fans of "The Vagina Monologue")

Lover, Beloved and Love (... Nora Roberts aficianodos)

Giant Kahuna, Somewhat smaller but no-less-important Kahuna Windy Kahuna (... Hawiaians)(special award offered for readers who know how to spell "Hawaiaiains")

Allah, Mohammed and the Ummah ( ... Muslims)

Big Dog, Little Dog and I Do Not Like Your Hat (... beginning readers)

Great Void, Mere Historical Figure and Nothing ( ... atheists)

GAAAAAAAA, Fuck you! Grrrr, shit-for-brains (... persons with Tourette's Syndrome)

Atfher, Sno dan Yhol Ghots (... the dyslexic)

Hamster, Frog and small grey dog (... the just plain silly)

Rev. I.M. Kluleth explained the motivation behind the changes.

"Seeing as our demonomination is hemorrhaging members like a fatted pig gored by a four ton raging bull, our plan was to simply quicken the process and drive out the rest of our members as soon as possible," Klueleth lisped. "We think this is just the right move to get that done."

"Then those of us who are left can cash in selling all these empty churches for condos." Kluleth thaid. "Arizona, here I come!"

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