Hezbullah Dating Service

Pirate Joke

What's a Pirate's favorite holiday?

ARRRRRbor Day

Stupid Koran Day!

Surah 23:62 "On no soul do we place a burden greater than it can bear."

A lot of people think the Bible says something like this, i.e., "God will not give you more pain than you can endure." Well, it doesn't say that. And the implication, that the source of pain is God, is blasphemous. God created the universe, monkeys came along, then people, etcetera etcetra etcetera. Somehow (this is pretty easy for me to understand) the first humans rebelled against God and screwed things up; I leave out many details, but the gist is the same. Pain came from THAT, not from God.

In short, Surah 23:62 is not only bullshit, it is blasphemous bullshit. Not so great for the "Word of God," eh?

Here's one more for the record as long as I have my Koran open:

"No son did Allah beget, nor is there any god along with Him (if there were many gods), behold, each god would have taken away what he had created, and some would have lorded it over others! Glory to Allah! He is free from the sort of things they attibute to Him!"

A) Huh?

B) Okay, Allah and Jesus are not connected. Make of that whatever you will.

C) Mohammed needed a short course in the Trinity.

To our 1400 year grief, Mohammed did not get that course. Christians and Jews must unite to crush these people and thier religion.

Stupid Koran Day!

Little need for comment here, Sura 11:119 "... and the Word of your Lord shall be fulfilled: 'I will fill Hell with jinns and men all together.'"

This is the Word of the Lord, thanks be to God.

Yeah, right. El Korano esta sucko. Anyone out there want to explain to me that this "Allah" is the same God as the God of Israel and Christendom? Okay, reconcile that "Word of the Lord" with Jesus. .... (Jeopardy theme song here).

Correct! Can't be done.

Saint George Flag Days

You all know the flag of St G.W. Bush
















Oh no, wait, different Saint. Anyway, I have a 4 foot by 5 foot St George flag that I flew on July 18, the 907th anniversary of the liberation of Jerusalem in the First Crusade. Since then, I've come up with a schedule of dates for flying the St George Cross:

June 3 – Liberation of Antioch
July 9-18 – Liberation of Jerusalem
August 12 – Battle of Ascalon
August 23 – Birth of Charles the Hammer
October 7 – Battle of Tours

For those uninformed (please inform yourselves), the liberation of Antioch in 1098 was pivotal to the success of the First Crusade, which, without that final victory, probably would have have seen us all now speaking Arabic and bowing towards Mecca five times a day; and you chicks would be wearing burkhas -- which sucks for both of us.

The liberation of Jerusalem was a knife in the throat of militant Islam -- always a good thing. Knives in the throat of evil are good. Anyway, the Battle of Ascalon pitted a tiny Christian army against an Egyptian horde ready to re-enslave Jerusalem to Islamic law. We won. We can thank those Christian men for that.

Charles the Hammer (Martel in French) is arguably the most important military leader in Christian history. He defeated a much larger army of Islamic infidels at Tours, ultimately leading to the freedom of Europe from that scourge (i.e. Islam). The Battle of Tours is -- well -- where Chuck the Hammer kicked their sorry asses.

Get your Christian ass a flag of St George and fly it on these dates.

Ravens

Funny. I never thought I'd be glad to see a raven.

I used to shoot ravens in the winter at the local golf course. Rarely hit one. But when I did, and he fell dead, suddenly the sky would fill with 20 or 30 of them. Seemed like a thousand. They would circle and fall to the ground and walk around the body like they were at a memorial. Caw-caw-cawing the entire time. Filled me with dread and guilt.

But recently we lost a lot of ravens to West Nile virus. Then the stupid seagulls moved in. Rats with wings. There were seagulls in trees, what an odd sight. Seagulls in the parking lots. Seagulls everywhere.

And then a couple mornings ago I saw five ravens on my walk to the train. All sitting together on a fence by the baseball field.

"Ravens!" I said. "You won! You're back and you've beaten the seagulls!" I realized then that I hadn't seen any gulls for the past week or so. Four of the ravens flew off at the sound of my voice. The last one looked at me, then at the sky, then at me.

"I'm glad to see you back," I said.

I think he nodded. Then he, too, flew away.

Stupid Koran ... um ... Day!

Okay I give up on the weekly update. Too busy. Anyway, here's what I can only call "Mohammed's Sermon on the Mount." Sura 23: 1-18. It sucks compared to Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, which, to a Christian like me, is no surprise. Anyway, here it is, running commentary in brackets.

"In the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful." [yadda, yadda, yadda, clearing his throat]

"Successful indeed are the Believers." [Huh. Abraham's God never promised "success," only salvation. I realize this conflicts with those churches that advertise "God wants you winning in Life!" But they're jerks, too. God couldn't care less if you have a BMW, and in fact, He's probably disappointed that you chose to buy a BMW rather than a Kia, and give the difference to the poor.]

"Those who hunble themselves in their prayers" [A worthy reminder; We do not control God, but petition Him for ourselves and others, and accept His answer even if it's "No." Hey, I never said the entire Koran sucked.]

"Who avoid vain talk; who are active in giving the zakat [charity], who guard their modesty; Except with those joined to them in the marriage bond, or [LOOK OUT!] the captives whom their right hands possess for in their case they are free from blame."

[Okay, first part's okay; but what's this about "the captives?" Slaves and prisoners of war is what that means. I.e., raping slaves and prisoners of war? Okay by Allah.]

"But those who exceed those limits are transgressors. Those who faithfully observe their trusts and their covenants, who strictly guard their prayers, these will be the heirs, who will inherit Paradise; they will dwell therein forever."

[Apology in advance. This will be a long comment. According to this, as I read it, the Kingdom of God belongs to (1) those who keep the rules; (2) those who give to charity; (3) those who do not expose themselves except to their wives, slaves and POWs; and, (4) those who are careful to pray when and how the Koran says. Period.

The Jesus I know rejects every one of these ideas. First, accoding to the Gospel's portayal, to Jesus, keeping rules is secondary to doing justice, and even to the simple keeping of one's own life. Second, charity is great, but the giving needs to come from a grateful heart, not from a fear that without giving one is doomed. Nowhere that I recall does Jesus pin salvation on the amount one gives. As ever, He (God) leaves this to human will and offers no threat if your will differs from His. Third, I'm pretty sure Jesus was against raping wives, slaves and prisoners of war. Call me silly, but I can't actually find a citation, and really don't think I need to. Fourth, and lastly, Jesus was not a stickler about times and places of prayer. I'm relatively sure that Jesus would rather that you forego prayer altogether to help someone in need. Nor did He have any "set" prayer. The Lord's Prayer, for instance, is not commanded, but is set out as a template. (And what a fine template it is! But that would take another post.)]

"Man we did create from a quintessence of clay; then we placed him as sperm in a place of rest, firmly fixed. Then We made the sperm into a clot of congealed blood; then of that clot We made a lump; then We made out of that lump bones and clothed the bones with flesh; then We developed out of it another creature. So blessed be Allah, the Best to create."

[Huh? Remember, this is all a continuous passage. Make sense to you? Yeah. Me neither.]

"After that, at length you will die."

[Hey, great! Thanks.]

Again, on the day of judgement, you will be raised up. And We have made above you, seven tracts; andd we are never unmindful of Our creation. And We send down water from the sky ..."

[Yadda, yadda, yadda. It's hard to know where this crap ends.]

Verdict: New Testament 47, Koran, -3. Jesus wins by 50. [He likes big, even numbers.]

I was in the library looking at old newspapers ...

Oh yeah! Happy Fourth!

Jihad This

Anagrams for "Prophet Mohammed"

Little too much time on my hands today. Did some work work, trimmed bushes until the yard waste container was full, wrote two doo-hickeys, and then went to the internet anagram machine and played around. Here they are: MADE THEM HOP ROMP;
ARMED THE MOHM POP; HAM DE MOTHER POMP; HAM HOPPED MORTEM; HEARD ME OHM PPM TO;
HEARD MOPPET MOHM.

Here is a recent photo of an anagram:

Blair calls for Moderate Muslims to Speak Up

AP -- London. British Prime Minister Tony Blair called Wednesday for moderate Muslims in the United Kingdom to speak out more vocally and clearly against acts of terror that have taken place across the world in the name of Islam.

"It's really time for Muslims who believe that such acts of terror do not bespeak the true nature of the peaceful religion known as Islam to speak out, to act against those who have carried out such attacks, and to aid police in rooting out those misguided souls now plotting new attacks here and across the world," Blair said to an audience of British Muslim imams, all of whom seemed to be snickering into the sleeves of their shirts as he spoke.

One moderate British imam, Abu Hamas el DeathtoIsrael, said after the speech, "Of course we need to speak out more clearly. Terrorism bad. Bad terrorists! Bad! ... Okay?"

DeathtoIsrael then turned to the crowd and shouted, "Bad terrorists! Bad!"

Responded another moderate Muslim leader, "BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! Bad terrorists! Bad! WHAAA HAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

Prime Minister Blair, hearing the reaction commented, "Now that's what I'm talkin' about."

-- 30 --

The Brits Finally Learning Their Place in Islam

Click the title. The Church of England wants to replace St George as the nation's patron saint to avoid offending Muslims. What the dhimmis fail to understand is that replacing the red cross on a white background with St Alban's yellow cross on a blue background will not save their sniveling hides. "It's still a damn cross, dhimmi. Take it down."



Buncha f*ing losers. Holy cripes.