Stupid Koran ... um ... Day!

Okay I give up on the weekly update. Too busy. Anyway, here's what I can only call "Mohammed's Sermon on the Mount." Sura 23: 1-18. It sucks compared to Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, which, to a Christian like me, is no surprise. Anyway, here it is, running commentary in brackets.

"In the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful." [yadda, yadda, yadda, clearing his throat]

"Successful indeed are the Believers." [Huh. Abraham's God never promised "success," only salvation. I realize this conflicts with those churches that advertise "God wants you winning in Life!" But they're jerks, too. God couldn't care less if you have a BMW, and in fact, He's probably disappointed that you chose to buy a BMW rather than a Kia, and give the difference to the poor.]

"Those who hunble themselves in their prayers" [A worthy reminder; We do not control God, but petition Him for ourselves and others, and accept His answer even if it's "No." Hey, I never said the entire Koran sucked.]

"Who avoid vain talk; who are active in giving the zakat [charity], who guard their modesty; Except with those joined to them in the marriage bond, or [LOOK OUT!] the captives whom their right hands possess for in their case they are free from blame."

[Okay, first part's okay; but what's this about "the captives?" Slaves and prisoners of war is what that means. I.e., raping slaves and prisoners of war? Okay by Allah.]

"But those who exceed those limits are transgressors. Those who faithfully observe their trusts and their covenants, who strictly guard their prayers, these will be the heirs, who will inherit Paradise; they will dwell therein forever."

[Apology in advance. This will be a long comment. According to this, as I read it, the Kingdom of God belongs to (1) those who keep the rules; (2) those who give to charity; (3) those who do not expose themselves except to their wives, slaves and POWs; and, (4) those who are careful to pray when and how the Koran says. Period.

The Jesus I know rejects every one of these ideas. First, accoding to the Gospel's portayal, to Jesus, keeping rules is secondary to doing justice, and even to the simple keeping of one's own life. Second, charity is great, but the giving needs to come from a grateful heart, not from a fear that without giving one is doomed. Nowhere that I recall does Jesus pin salvation on the amount one gives. As ever, He (God) leaves this to human will and offers no threat if your will differs from His. Third, I'm pretty sure Jesus was against raping wives, slaves and prisoners of war. Call me silly, but I can't actually find a citation, and really don't think I need to. Fourth, and lastly, Jesus was not a stickler about times and places of prayer. I'm relatively sure that Jesus would rather that you forego prayer altogether to help someone in need. Nor did He have any "set" prayer. The Lord's Prayer, for instance, is not commanded, but is set out as a template. (And what a fine template it is! But that would take another post.)]

"Man we did create from a quintessence of clay; then we placed him as sperm in a place of rest, firmly fixed. Then We made the sperm into a clot of congealed blood; then of that clot We made a lump; then We made out of that lump bones and clothed the bones with flesh; then We developed out of it another creature. So blessed be Allah, the Best to create."

[Huh? Remember, this is all a continuous passage. Make sense to you? Yeah. Me neither.]

"After that, at length you will die."

[Hey, great! Thanks.]

Again, on the day of judgement, you will be raised up. And We have made above you, seven tracts; andd we are never unmindful of Our creation. And We send down water from the sky ..."

[Yadda, yadda, yadda. It's hard to know where this crap ends.]

Verdict: New Testament 47, Koran, -3. Jesus wins by 50. [He likes big, even numbers.]