The Stupid Koran

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But the Word from Me will come true, "I will fill Hell with Jinns and Men together. Taste you then -- for you forgot the Meeting of this Day of yours, and We too will forget you--- taste you the chastisement of Eternity for your [evil] deeds."

Surah 32:13-14

What a blowhard.

Oh, here's a nice one. Background: Mo was trying to esplain to his followers why he could have more than four wives, including his dead brother's wife, and pretty much any chick he chose. Remember, this is supposedly straight from the lips of God:

O Prophet! We have made lawful to you your wives to whom you have paid their dowers; and those whom your right hand possesses out of the captives of war whom Allah has assigned to you [slaves, ed.]: and daughters of your paternal uncles and aunts, who migrated with you: and any believing woman who gives herself to the Prophet if the Prophet wishes to wed her; -- this only for you, and not for the Believers at large; We know what We have appointed for them as to their wives and the capitives whom their right hands possess [slaves, ed.]: in order that there should be no difficulty for you. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Surah 33:50

Convenient.

Finally -- straight from the Lips of Allah! -- a parable, which is not a parable:

Allah puts forth a parable -- a man belonging to many partners at variance with each other, and a man belonging entirely to one master: are those two equal in comparison? Praise be to Allah!, but most have no knowledge.

Surah 39:29

As far as parable telling? Jesus kicks Allah's ass 42 to 3. That ain't a parable, and not only that, it makes no sense. And this, folks, is the Arab nation's highest literary achievement. Pretty sad, eh?

The Stupid Koran

Yet more enlightening crap from our favorite medieval warlord.

The parable of those who take protectors other than Allah is that of the Spider, who builds a house; but truly the flimsiest of houses is the Spider's house; -- if but they knew. Surah 29:41

Huh? A) Not a parable. B) Huh? If but who knew what? That Mohammed couldn't craft an actual parable to save his life? What? Huh?

This one is also clear as camel shit:

And dispute you not with the People of the Book [Christians and Jews. Ed.], except in the best way, unless it be with those of whom do wrong but say "We believe in the Revelation which has come down to us, and in that which came down to you: our God and your God is One; and it is to Him we submit in Islam. Surah 29:46

The God of Islam and the God of Judaism and Christianity are not the same, and no Jew or Christian submits to the God of Islam. Given that, I have no idea what this passage means.

And finally, some Science.

See you not that the ships sail through the Ocean by the grace of Allah? -- that He may show you His signs? Verily, in this are Signs for all who persevere and give thanks. Surah 31:31

Umm. Actually it's called displacement theory, and some Greek guy named Archimedes discovered it in the bathtub. But yeah, other than that, God makes boats float. What an f-ing doofus.

Here is a recent photo of Allah making a boat float (He's concentrating REALLY hard):

Phew

That was close. Maybe Amenijad (the President of Iran, what's his name) isn't insane. Well that's good news. August 23rd is the birthdate of Chuck the Hammer (a/k/a/ Charles Martel). My St George cross flag is already out. Please fly yours.

August 22

Tick tick tick tick

What am I missing?

I've read a few articles about how Britian is in trouble because the Muslims there (80%)view themselves as Muslims before British. At first, this bothered me. Then I thought, what if someone asked me if I thought of myself as Christian before American? I'd have to say, yes. Does that mean I wouldn't defend America? Duh. No. Does that mean I want Pat Robertson or James Dobson to be President? Duh. No.

Seems to me that these poll results may be a surprise in Europe, where religious affiliation has dwindled to near zero, but why should Americans be surprised by this result? Are you first an American and only second a Christian?

Add a Date to Your St George Flag Days

Add September 11 and 12 -- the Battle of Vienna -- to your dates to fly St George's flag.

Thank you.

Hate in the Bible and the Koran

Remember a few chapters back we looked at love in the Bible and the Koran and the differences? Hmmm? Let's look at the other side.

I searched the Koran for "does not love," and got 23 hits about who and what Allah does not love. Some are pretty okay and consistent with Christianity -- the proud, the extravagant, the unjust, etc. But many are references to unbelievers or sinners(!). Allah doesn't love them. Says so right there, there and there. Surah 2:276, Surah 3:32 and Surah 22:38. That's not all of them.

There are only 15 matches for "hate." But a couple of them are disturbing.

Surah 7:166 "Therefore when they revoltingly persisted in what they had been forbidden, We [that's God, supposedly] said to them: Be as apes, despised and hated."

Okay, so, someone disobeyed God, and God says "be hated." Sounds like God hates them. But the really disturbing thing? God hates monkeys!

Don't believe me? Surah 2:65 "And certainly you have known those among you who exceeded the limits of the Sabbath, so We said to them: Be (as) apes, despised and hated."

I don't even know what "exceeded the limits of the Sabbath" means, but God hates people who do, just like he hates monkeys!
________________________________________

Okay, now to the Bible. Eight results for "does not love." Two are from Dueteronomy and have to do with what happens if you don't love your wife anymore or something.

Here's the rest: John 14:24 He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.

1 Corinthians 16:22 If anyone does not love the Lord—a curse be on him. Come, O Lord!

That's not God talking, just an overly excited Paul.

1 John 3:10 This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother.

1 John 3:14 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death.

1 John 4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4:20 If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.

These are utterly different from the Koran. Nowhere does it say "God does not love." Not even monkeys.

On to "Hate."

Woops. 128 hits! But not one says God hates monkeys or anyone else. The Psalms have a lot of hate in them, which surprised me, and once in awhile attributes God with hating the Psalmists enemies; but I think he was just hoping.

Woops again! Proverbs 6:16-19

There are six things the LORD hates,
seven that are detestable to him:

haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,

a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,

a false witness who pours out lies
and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.


Notice only one of these is referred to as a "man", and that's the seventh, which is only "detestable." (I'm tryin'!)

Anyway -- There you go. The God of the Muslims hates monkeys. The Christian God does not. So there.

Stupid Koran Day!

Here's an odd theological assertion:

"And call not, besides Allah, on another god. There is no god but He. Everything that exists will perish except His Face. To Him belongs the Command, and to Him will you be brought back." Sura 28:88

That sounds oddly Hindu to me; nothing but Brahman will exist at the end and we all will be brought back to the central reality; devoid of our own individual natures, just bugs on God's face. Um, not the Christian message, nor the Jewish. Mohammed strays far afield from his fellow monotheists here.

Oh well. what do you expect from an amateur theologian warlord?

Whoops! Here's another.

"Those who reject the faith will suffer from that rejection: and those who work righteousness will make provision for themselves in Heaven: That He may reward those who believe and work righteous deeds, out of His Bounty. For He loves not those who reject Faith." Sura 30:44-45

Work, work, work! Gotta earn that heaven, baby. And that mmakes you better than those who don't. So brag! Damn it, you're better, and you deserve a slap on the back! Way to go, you superior human being, you.

Alright, alright. But that's not even the bullshit part.

So God loves ONLY those who accept Islam? That is not the Christian message -- nor the Jewish, if I understand them. God loves every man, woman and child. God is heartbroken when he is rejected. You have the ability to break the heart of God. Do you want to do that? (I think not.)

That's the drama of the Christian (Jewish) message. The Creator of the Universe is pining for you to give Him a nod and a wink, maybe more. The God who threw the stars into the sky (in the Big Bang, in my opinion), who raised Man from the dust (i.e., through evolution, in my opinion), aches for a word from you.

But no. The God of Islam doesn't love you unless you submit to Islam.

Those are way different messages.

Here's a picture of God loving someone even though they're not a Muslim:

El Newsamos

Eleven missing 30-year-old Egyptian college students go missing, 24 Amish Muslims are arrested in Britain for plotting to blow up a dozen airliners, Iranian troops are found among the (yay!) dead Hezbollah “guerillas” in southern Lebanon, the Council for American Islamic Relations (CAIR) has its collective turban in a bunch because President Bush called our enemy (which they are) “Islamic fascists,” (which they are), and August 22, the anniversary of Mohammed’s hallucinatory flight to heaven, when the President of Iran expects the Hidden Imam to rise from his Hidey-Hole in Qom, Iran (why don’t we just nuke that place?), is approaching .

None of these events are related.

The Psalmist ... Ooops!

And here's a nice picture of the Psalmist kicking Mohammed's ass:



















Woops! My bad. That's just Mohammed's ass.

Stupid Koran Day!

Here's Mohammed attemping a Psalm-like thingy:

Sura 30:17-27
Therefore glory be to Allah when you enter upon the time of the evening and when you enter upon the time of the morning.
And to Him belongs praise in the heavens and the earth, and at nightfall and when you are at midday.
He brings forth the living from the dead and brings forth the dead from the living, and gives life to the earth after its death, and thus shall you be brought forth.
And one of His signs is that He created you from dust, then lo! you are mortals (who) scatter.
And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.
And one of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your tongues and colors; most surely there are signs in this for the learned.
And one of His signs is your sleeping and your seeking of His grace by night and (by) day; most surely there are signs in this for a people who would hear.
And one of His signs is that He shows you the lightning for fear and for hope, and sends down water from the clouds then gives life therewith to the earth after its death; most surely there are signs in this for a people who understand
And one of His signs is that the heaven and the earth subsist by His command, then when He calls you with a (single) call from out of the earth, lo! you come forth.
And His is whosoever is in the heavens and the earth; all are obedient to Him.
And He it is Who originates the creation, then reproduces it, and it is easy to Him; and His are the most exalted attributes in the heavens and the earth, and He is the Mighty, the Wise.

Okay, that's pretty good. Gets a little dry and tedious. In fact I just randomly cut it off there because I got bored. Anyway, somewhere Mohammed says something like: "If this Book is not from God, find me a Sura like it (or better than it).

Okay.

Psalm 98

Sing to the LORD a new song,
for he has done marvelous things;
his right hand and his holy arm
have worked salvation for him.
The LORD has made his salvation known
and revealed his righteousness to the nations.

He has remembered his love
and his faithfulness to the house of Israel;
all the ends of the earth have seen
the salvation of our God.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth,
burst into jubilant song with music;

make music to the LORD with the harp,
with the harp and the sound of singing,

with trumpets and the blast of the ram's horn—
shout for joy before the LORD, the King.

Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it.

Let the rivers clap their hands,
Let the mountains sing together for joy; 9 let them sing before the LORD,
for he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
and the peoples with equity.

Actually, there were a dozen of these along the same theme. Every one kicks Mohammed's ass. SO ....