And We're Done! The Koran is Finished! Woo Hoo!

Oh, Jesus save me. We're almost done with the Book O' Crap.
Here we go.

"I have only created Jinns and men that they may serve me." Surah 51:56

Yeah, well, fuck you. Find someone else.

"Let them produce a saying like it -- if it be they speak the truth." Surah 52:34.

There it is. Mohammed's dare. Too bad the Psalmist kicked his ass many centurites before. Produce a Surah like it. Indeed. What an ass, Mohammed was.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Jim Bakker!

How is it with you that you spend not in the cause of Allah? For to Allah belongs the heritage of the heavens and the earth. Not equal among you are those who spent freely and fought, for the victory with those who did later. Those are higher in rank than those who spent freely and fought before the victory. Thore are higher in rank than those who spent and fought afterwards. But to all Allah has promised a goodly reward. Syra 57:10

For those who give in charity, men and women, and loan to Allah a Beautiful Loan, it shall be increased manifold to their credit, and thay shall have besides a generous reward. Sura 57:18

Sounds to me like someone was short of cash.

Duh.

We sent after them Jesus the son of Mary, and bestowed on Him the Gospel. Sura 57:27

Ol' Mo has no idea what "the Gospel" means. He thinks it's a book. It ain't. It's a greek word that means "the good news." What's the Good News? God become one of us, suffered what we suffer, did so sinlessly, and then died to pay the price for sins that, not He, but we commit. Then He rose, to show us what is offered us if we believe.

Not a book. Now, there are the four Gospels, Matt, Mark, Luke and Jack. But they wrote those after Jesus was gone. So God surely didn't bestow those books on Jesus. Mohammed 0, Truth 4.

Oh I'm so tired of this Koran.

He said what?

And remember, Jesus, the Son of Mary, said: "O Children of Israel! I am the messenger of Allah sent to you, confirming the Taurat, which came before me, and give glad tidings of a messenger to come after me, whose name shall be Ahmad." But when he came to them with Clear Signs they said, "This is evident sorcery!"Sura 61:6

No he didn't. Not one of the four Gospels records anything like this.

Compassion Unintentional

And they feed, for the love of Allah, the indigent, the orpan and the captive, saying, "We feed you for the sake of Allah alone: no reward do we desire from you or thanks. We only fear a Day of frowning and distress from the side of our Lord!" Sura 76:8-10

Okay, let me see if I understand. Help the poor, but not because of any compassion toward them, but out of fear, and don't let them thank you. Is that it? Not really very inspiring. Seems to this way of looking at the "transaction," which is what this view really makes it, is that the poor are objectified into some sort of "bad-karma stopping" thing, rather than a human being who should be helped because, as Jesus said (though, oddly, the Koran doesn't record this), "When you helped the least of these you did that to me." Those are vastly different views and inspirations for right action.

And Finally! Wee HAAAAAAA!

Behold this is the Word that distinguishes Good from Evil. It is not a thing for amusement! Sura 86:13-14

Well, I hope you've been amused. I certainly have been.

And now I'm done with my Koran. Hmm, I feel a bowel movement coming....