Iraq President's Letter to America

In which he says "Thanks, don't leave."

And We're Done! The Koran is Finished! Woo Hoo!

Oh, Jesus save me. We're almost done with the Book O' Crap.
Here we go.

"I have only created Jinns and men that they may serve me." Surah 51:56

Yeah, well, fuck you. Find someone else.

"Let them produce a saying like it -- if it be they speak the truth." Surah 52:34.

There it is. Mohammed's dare. Too bad the Psalmist kicked his ass many centurites before. Produce a Surah like it. Indeed. What an ass, Mohammed was.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Jim Bakker!

How is it with you that you spend not in the cause of Allah? For to Allah belongs the heritage of the heavens and the earth. Not equal among you are those who spent freely and fought, for the victory with those who did later. Those are higher in rank than those who spent freely and fought before the victory. Thore are higher in rank than those who spent and fought afterwards. But to all Allah has promised a goodly reward. Syra 57:10

For those who give in charity, men and women, and loan to Allah a Beautiful Loan, it shall be increased manifold to their credit, and thay shall have besides a generous reward. Sura 57:18

Sounds to me like someone was short of cash.

Duh.

We sent after them Jesus the son of Mary, and bestowed on Him the Gospel. Sura 57:27

Ol' Mo has no idea what "the Gospel" means. He thinks it's a book. It ain't. It's a greek word that means "the good news." What's the Good News? God become one of us, suffered what we suffer, did so sinlessly, and then died to pay the price for sins that, not He, but we commit. Then He rose, to show us what is offered us if we believe.

Not a book. Now, there are the four Gospels, Matt, Mark, Luke and Jack. But they wrote those after Jesus was gone. So God surely didn't bestow those books on Jesus. Mohammed 0, Truth 4.

Oh I'm so tired of this Koran.

He said what?

And remember, Jesus, the Son of Mary, said: "O Children of Israel! I am the messenger of Allah sent to you, confirming the Taurat, which came before me, and give glad tidings of a messenger to come after me, whose name shall be Ahmad." But when he came to them with Clear Signs they said, "This is evident sorcery!"Sura 61:6

No he didn't. Not one of the four Gospels records anything like this.

Compassion Unintentional

And they feed, for the love of Allah, the indigent, the orpan and the captive, saying, "We feed you for the sake of Allah alone: no reward do we desire from you or thanks. We only fear a Day of frowning and distress from the side of our Lord!" Sura 76:8-10

Okay, let me see if I understand. Help the poor, but not because of any compassion toward them, but out of fear, and don't let them thank you. Is that it? Not really very inspiring. Seems to this way of looking at the "transaction," which is what this view really makes it, is that the poor are objectified into some sort of "bad-karma stopping" thing, rather than a human being who should be helped because, as Jesus said (though, oddly, the Koran doesn't record this), "When you helped the least of these you did that to me." Those are vastly different views and inspirations for right action.

And Finally! Wee HAAAAAAA!

Behold this is the Word that distinguishes Good from Evil. It is not a thing for amusement! Sura 86:13-14

Well, I hope you've been amused. I certainly have been.

And now I'm done with my Koran. Hmm, I feel a bowel movement coming....

Facing severe consequences

A group statement by a gaggle of Muslim "clerics" says the "pope, and all infidels, should know that no Muslim, under any circumstances, can tolerate an insult to the Prophet (Muhammad). ... If the West does not change its stance regarding Islam, it will face severe consequences," it said.

Gaggle Statement


Hey, who put the HAM in Mohammed?

Mohammed was not a prophet

It irks me to no end that ths major media and even Christian outlets refer to the delirious warlord Mohammed as a "prophet." He was no such thing. Prophets do not get wrong major theological points. Mohammed said (1) Jesus was not crucified; (2) Jesus was not resurrected; and (3) Jesus was not the Son of God.

(1) Wrong,
(2) Wrong, and
(3) Wrong.

Uh, Actually I agree

Here's what the Pope quoted from a medieval theologian/emperor:

“Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and then you shall find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.”

Unfortunately, Pope Ben says this is not his view. Why the heck not?

Muslims Explode over Pope's Claim "Islam is Violent"

Jerusalem -- AP

A previously unknown group dubbed "the Swords of Islamic Right" on Saturday threatened to blow up all churches and Christian institutions in the Gaza Strip to protest remarks by Pope Benedict XVI that Islam is violent.

"What the Pope said is unforgivable," the group said in a statement. "To prove that Islam is a peaceful, reasonable religion, we will continue to shoot at and blow up churches."

On Saturday two more churches - neither Roman Catholic - were attacked with firebombs in Nablus. No one was hurt.

Palestinian Authority leaders condemned the Pope's statements. Preachers in several mosques launched a scathing attack on the Pope, and called on all Arab and Islamic countries to boycott him until he apologizes. "All Muslims must immediately cease buying Roman Catholic prayer beads, crucifixes, Eucharist elements and icons of the Holy Trinity," said Sheik Yaboody. "That'll show 'em."

Pope Benedict on Tuesday cited an obscure Medieval text that characterizes some of the teachings of Islam's founder as "evil and inhuman." In response, Muslims around the globe gave money to poor people, helped area Christians rebuild churches, fed the hungry, cared for the sick, and served others in humility.

Oh, wait. No they didn't. They rioted, blew stuff up, and whined about "oppression" because a non-Muslim expressed doubt about the truth of Islam -- which you wouldn't think would be a real surprise -- just as Islam's founder taught.

The Vatican commented Saturday that it regretted harming Muslim feelings with the truth.

A senior member of the Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood briefly stopped tossing molotov cocktails at a Christian girls' school to say that the Vatican's comments were not enough to quell the anger over his words.

"What was issued by the Vatican was as an attempt to excuse what the pope said, and what we demand is a sincere acknowledgment that there was a mistake, not allegations that we misunderstood the pope," said Brotherhood member Mohammed Bishr. "We need the pope to admit the big mistake he has committed and then agree on apologizing, because we will not accept others to apologize on his behalf.

"Ouch," he continued, as the flame from the cocktail started his shirt on fire, and then threw it into a crowd of ten year old girls fleeing the burning building.

Stupid Koran Parable Contest!

Go ahead! You can do it. Just look at some of the posts below for "parables" from the Koran, and then make up your own! A parable is a concise, fictional story with a moral meaning, sometimes skillfully hidden. But NOT IN THE KORAN! Heck, in the Koran a parabnle can be just about any stupid thing!

I'll get you started:

The way of those who do not believe is like a palm tree by the dry river bed; and Allah knows best.

Okay, that's not so funny, but you get the picture. How about this?

The believers are like sand chiggers on the rectum of a balding she-camel; if only they understood!

Now I'm rockin'!

A plate of bacon and a nine-year old wife; are these equal in comparison? Allah knows.

Woo Hoo! Now it's your turn. Go get 'em, guys!

More Koran

Another parable from Allah:

"A goose with a rash, and a smallish moose; are those two equal in comparison?"

Okay, I made that up.

Stop Calling Islam Violent or We'll Riot!

SRINAGAR, India (AFP) - Police in Indian Kashmir seized newspapers carrying Pope Benedict XVI's strong criticisms of Islam and jihad, in which he called jihad "violent" and "against the nature of God." Police said they pulled the newspapers to stave off violent riots that might occur if the papers were circulated.

In related news, Democratic Senator Russ Feingold and Democratic Congressional Leader Nancy Pelosi scolded President Bush for calling the enemy "Islamic fascists."

"Geez," said Feingold. "You wanna piss these people off, or what? Have you seen what they do when they're pissed off?"

Said Pelosi, "It is entirely inappropriate to label the terrorists as 'Islamic fascists.' Doing so just increases the chances of violence against Jews and free people everywhere."

White House Spokesman Tony Snow, responding to the Democratic criticism, said, "Pretty much proves the President's point, no?"

-- 30 --

More Koran

God, this Koran is tedious. Come to think of it, actually this is a good record of what it's like to read this book. As I mentioned, we will soon turn to Rumi, a Muslim mystic whose conception of God is utterly non-Islamic, and therefore as refreshing as cool water after the desert of the Koran.

Onward we slog.

"When some trouble touches a man he cries unto his Lord, turning to Him in repentance. But when He (God) bestows a favor upon him (the man) as from Himself, (the guy) does forget what he cried and prayed for before ... blah blah blah." Surah 39:8.

Meh. Okay, nice insight, but not unique. Wheen things go sour, people turn to God, when things go good, they think it's all their doing. The Jews knew this, but I wanted to include it to show that the Koran isn't entirely full of crap.

Oh Goody. A parable. And this one straight from God's lips, allegedly.

"Allah puts forth a parable -- a man belonging to many partners at variance with each other, and a man belonging entirely to one master: are those two equal in comparison?" Surah 39:29

What? Allah sucks at parables.

(I'm leafing through my Koran and skipping a lot of things I highlighted because they're redundant of other stupid things the Koran says that I've already mentioned. Thank me for that.)

Okay -- Here's one. I know jihadwatch.org has this kind of thing in spades, and I've avoided the war-mongering side of Islam up to here to concentrate just on the stupidity, but this is too rich:

"... [T]hose who reject Allah (the "god" who denies the divinity of Jesus, ed.) follow falsehood. While those who believe, follow the Truth from their Lord: thus does Allah set forth for men their lessons by similitudes (those ridiculous 'parables', ed.). Therefore when you meet the Unbelievers, strike at their necks (chop their heads off, ed.), at length, when you have thoroughly subdued them, bind (the captives) firmly; therefore is the time for either generosity or ransom: until the war lays down its burdens. Thus are you commanded: but if it had been Allah's will He could certainly have exacted retribution from them; but He lets you fight in order to test you.... blah blah blah." Surah 47:4

I think Jesus said pretty much the same thing at Mark ... Oh no, wait. JESUS NEVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT. I forgot. 'scuse me!

Okay, last entry for tonight, me being tired and all. Check this out for a twisted world view:

"The life of this world is but play and amusement: and if you believe and guard against evil, (Allah) will grant you your recompense, and will not ask you to give up your possessions." Surah 47:36

I see no need to comment.

Pray to God I finish reading this worthless book soon. I hate it and it weighs on me. Onward we slog.

Doom 3 International Championship

Los Angeles, California -- The International “Doom 3 Players’ championship” is now under way, and the American team is dominating the individual competition.  Team Competitions, pitting two-man partners against two-man teams from other nations, begin next week.

The Iranian team seems to have hit the skids big time, with the entire team having been eliminated in the first round of individual competition.

“They keep shouting, ‘We love Death, you love life,’ and then they get killed.  Well Duh. It makes for really short games, unfortunately,” said 14 year-old individual competitor Billy “Gompers” Stonemason from Van Nuys California.  

Last year’s individual champion, Hastings Clauswitz III, said the teams from Muslim countries all seem weaker these past few years.

“It’s really kind of boring,” Clauswitz says, “We all sit in the same conference room, and you hear some guy shout, ‘Allah akbar!’ so, like, everyone hits their shield button and the guy explodes.  You win.  Talk about stupid.”

“The Palestinian team sucks, too,” Clauswitz said.

Another unexpected loser was the French team, also completely eliminated in the first round of individual competition.  

“They never shoot,” Stonemason said.  “They just send you text messages asking for a peace conference.  It’s a war game, dude!”

Several other western European nations also faltered at first, but began getting their mettle together at the end of the first round of individual play.  The German team – no surprise there – at the outset of play seemed intimidated by the Iranian tactics.  They caught on quickly after hearing “Allah Akbar” a few too many times, and soon were playing hardball Doom 3 with the Americans.  The British team seemed to be catching on at the end of the first round as well.  Only time will tell how these teams fare as the Doom 3 Players’ Championship heads into the second round of individual play.

For the first time in the Championship’s short history, the UN has also fielded a team, although none of the players showed for the first day of competition.  Several UN team members were found in local brothels, and three were said to be in jail on charges of attempting to persuade local politicians to bribe them for political favors.

-- 30 --

After the Koran

Once we finish the Koran (probably four more posts) I'll take a short look at Rumi, a "Muslim" poet, a Sufi actually, who wrote poetry that the Muslim Community can actually be proud of, unlike The Worthless Koran. Unfortunately, Sufis aren't "in" with the current crowd of Islamofascists, and have been labeled heretical on multiple occasions. Also unfortunately, the God that Rumi writes about is the God called Love. In fact, sounds a whole heck of a lot like Jesus. Which of course you won't find in The Stupid Koran.

This is called a "teaser," so the two people who read my blog (including me, I think), get really excited about the next installment.

Here is a recent photo of me reading Rumi's poetry:

Western Reporting on Muslims 'Biased"

September 02, 2006 08:29pm
Reuters

Western media apply double standards when reporting on Muslims and are often ignorant about sensitive issues for the religion, Indonesia's president was quoted by the Antara state news agency as saying today.

"If non-Muslims are killed in fighting, the Western media does not report whether they were beheaded, their throats slit, their eyes plucked out, were they blown to bits by a glorious martyr suicide bomber?, any one of numerous ways that infidels should die. These are important issues to today’s moderate Muslims," President Susilo Bangbang Yudhoyono told a conference on the resort island of Bali. "This is not the case when Muslims are killed in Palestine, or Lebanon or Iraq, where all the gory details are reported,” he said.

“Muslims all over the world do not need special treatment, but they only want to be respected in the same way as adherents of other faiths, and be informed of the methods used to destroy the infidel scum," Bangbang told the gathering of fawning journalists from around the world.

Bangbang also decried the publication of caricatures of the Prophet Mohammad in Danish and other Western media. "The publication of the Prophet Mohammad's caricature has come as a surprise to all of us. Even more surprisingly, a number of Western journalists said they did not know that it was forbidden," Dr Bangbang said.
Bangbang failed to mention that the publication of caricatures of The Slobbering Warlord Mohammed is not forbidden to non-Muslims, because they are, well, not Muslims. Many Muslims regard any depiction of the Prophet as an offence against their religion. They may have their panties on too tight.

Denmark's government declined to apologize for the cartoons, saying the country's media was free and independent. Good for them.

The row over the cartoons sparked violent protests in parts of Asia, Africa and the Middle East in which at least 50 people died, further corrobarating the fact that Islam is not so much a religion as it is a psychotic disorder.

More than 85 per cent of Indonesia's 220 million people suffer from this psychotic disorder. Most Indonesian Muslims are only moderately psychotic, but public concern on Islamic issues and militancy has grown in recent years.

Here is a recent photo of the Slobbering Warlord lusting after a nine-year-old girl:

























Here is a recent photo of His Prophetness ordering the execution of more than 600 Jews:

























Here's a recent photo of His Camel Sucking Prophetness telling his followers that Allah wants to fill Hell with men (nice guy):


























Recently, the Slobbering Warlord (peace be upon him) told his followers that his mission was to wipe out any human being who did not confess Allah and the prophetyness of His Camel Sucking Self. Here's a photo: