WARNING! Massive Global Warming Forecast for Northern Hemisphere in 2007!

AP -- Scientists today issued a stern warning that global temperatures in the northern hemisphere are widely anticipated to skyrocket beginning roughly on March 21 of this year.

"The scientific community is four-square behind these predictions," said former vice president Jabba the Gore. "All meteorological scientists worth their salt are predicting a massive temperature increase of up to 40 degress in just the next few months, possibly 60 degrees or more by August."

Scientists predicted massive snow melts in upper Michigan and Minnesota, coupled with major life cycle changes throughout the hemisphere.

"Flowers will bloom, grass grow, and solar-energy absorbing leaf-like structures will appear on many trees and bushes throughout the northern hemisphere," said one scientist. "This will only serve to increase the threat of continued global warming -- hey, aren't you supposed to capitalize that? -- beyond August and into the so-called 'winter months.' Unless, of course, the earth tilts or something."